[PERSPECTIVE by @katharinajanus] ON IDENTITY AND NEW ADVENTURES

Identity is a big topic: What defines us? Who are you? Is there just one concrete answer as we would expect it from a “definition” or is it a perpetual process or search human beings pursue?

Identity is made of your memories, experiences, relationships, and values that create your so-called “sense of self”. This amalgamation defines a steady sense of who one is over time, even as new facets are developed and incorporated into one’s identity. “Before social media” one used to say: “You are the product of the five people you talk to most.” One can only wonder how this identity shaping via interactive communication has evolved over the last two decades. Have identities, thus, become blurred by the speed and pure number of influencing factors and people? To what extent are we still in the driver’s seat as far as our own identity development is concerned?

One thing is clear: choose your context well – online and in real life – because it will influence who you are. It was/is common to ask people what they do (for a living) when mingling at parties and networking events. I always found the question “who are you?” much more intriguing, but also sometimes felt that I was causing discomfort on the other side by being interested in someone’s identity instead of the outer self-shell, especially when there was a perceived mismatch between one’s purpose that is closely related to one’s identity and one’s “job” – self-chosen but aligned with contextual factors that sometimes override one’s sense of self.

For those who enjoy this contemplative exercise one can go one step further and reflect on “What are you known for (among friends, family, clients…)?” and even more outcome-oriented “What do people thank you for?” which is close to the big question how or for what would you like to be remembered (for).

As you can see, I have been pondering big existential questions the last couple of months while communicating and publishing very little. We rarely reflect on our identity unless it is impacted by life changes. This change came to me gradually as it is for many, especially women, at my age. You’re running a fulfilled and successful life – job, family, place to live all happily settled. And then there comes a “4th responsibility” around the corner: you become a caretaker of an aging and frail parent. When you get pregnant you might have said with pride: “We are pregnant”. Now, I can say with overwhelming sadness: “We have Alzheimer’s”. “We” because it affects the family as much or – in some stages of the disease – even more than the patient. Hence, my silence.

This is how I turned from a successful businesswoman who had all her ducks and more than that in a row into a parttime worker, firefighter, rescue worker, liar, actor, entertainer, and all in-one word: manager, trying to keep my ducks afloat, far from lining them up in any meaningful way. That’s how I felt. In fact, I got a lot done, but it was frustrating. Because a large part of my definition of my identity was driven by my inherent creativity and productivity in my job and personal life for which I now had little time left.

How many times I looked at my watch and it was midday, and I had not done any single task for my real job but managing care, dealing with insurances and legal stuff. I have always been incessantly productive in my job and beyond: knitting sweaters as a child, creating sculptures, designing strategy for large multinationals in the health and life sciences markets. But my 25 years of being productive and successful in healthcare only helped me marginally to deal with all the challenges I faced when coordinating care for my dad. I asked myself “How do people without a healthcare background and great contacts feel being in the same situation?” The injustice and intransparency in the elderly care sector is mind-blowing. The lack of dignity with respect to aging is a disgrace although dignity is, for example in Germany, guaranteed in the Constitution: The dignity of man is inviolable. It looks nice on paper. Reality is different.

Dignity is understood as the right of a person to be valued and respected for their own sake, and to be treated ethically. However, these ethical standards are defined by a society that lacks cohesion and responsibility and by dwindling budgets that health and social systems are faced with.

“All clothes have to be resistant to high temperature wash cycles and please don’t bring much personal stuff” I heard when interviewing nursing homes for my dad. And many of those institutions have the charm of a hospital from the 1970ies (only they smell worse). Old people are just “stored and bored” I concluded painfully. And most importantly, nobody cares anymore about who the “inmates” were in their before-life – what defined them. Their identity is lost.

Of course, there were also (very few) good examples, and we were lucky enough to get my dad into one of those, pulling all strings and playing all cards I had (in war, love, and nursing homes everything is allowed ;-), but the large majority was unlivable – and a big business for investors as it became clear quickly.

The spirit (and monumental identity) of a place is defined by those who build it, those who run it and those who inhabit it (respectively their relatives who decorate it). And following the rules mentioned above kills exactly this positive and nourishing spirit that is so desperately needed in the last stage of life because let’s face it: nobody gets out there alive. Or have you heard someone moving out of a nursing home and looking for an apartment?

But there are promising projects too: Tim Mälzer’s project “Herbstresidenz” (fall residence) set a beautiful example how cherishing people’s identity or even triggering what is still there is worth the effort. It is about the little things that define us – la Madeleine de Proust as we say in France – the smells, tastes, sentiments and sounds reminding us of our childhood or bringing back emotional memories from a long time ago. The human touch defines us. Our senses and how we cultivate sensatory reactions. Content and the sense of time might be lost but people will still remember how something or someone made them feel and the moment this emotion was triggered or caused. From my perspective, an important element to ensure dignity and respect for the elderly’s identity would be a “Madeleine de Proust philosophy” in nursing homes. But for that to happen we need to free up resources by creating more transparency, coordinating care better, sharing our experiences among peers, and most importantly developing skills to deal with “the necessary” in a more efficient way, so we can “just be relatives” and spend quality time with our loved ones in the Madeleine de Proust way.

This is how the idea for FourthQuarterLife® was born. During all this time I had regular exchanges with one of my co-founders of our new (ad)venture who has been facing the same challenges I experienced with taking care of my dad with his mum – also living far away as I do, trying to coordinate care, finances, insurances, life etc. at a distance. We exchanged regularly, supported each other and developed our own little “community”. Once I started gradually accepting my new role as a caretaker, I realized that this was also part of my identity: taking care and raising my voice and not closing my eyes if I considered a system unjust or inhumane. Beyond my own identity there was a strong sense of legacy (of our parents) emerging and an intrinsic need to share our experiences and help others to manage better than we did or help them in this process. Among our friends of the same age, we felt the same need for help to connect the dots but also the fear to lose one’s own identity or maybe not be able to develop it further as we age or being reduced to an inmate living in an institutional setting without cashmere sweaters, paintings, plants, souvenirs from travelling, photos and favorite dishes…

We realized we need to act based on our lived experience. We need to define us more carefully – what we consume, question and act upon. We need to address the emotional and physical pain millions experience when suddenly becoming a caretaker. But we also need to think early about how we can maintain and further develop our own identity as we age. And I am less talking about self-fulfillment, but preparedness. To maintain your YOU – who you are – you need to practice self-care which is the most important part of care.

That’s why we founded FourthQuarterLife®:

• To let others facing the same challenges as we do/did benefit from our experience: give them their time and life back – you are not alone!
• To reduce the fear of losing your own identity and to be better prepared for your own future – maintain your YOU!
• To create peace-of-mind for all.

FourthQuarterLife® is a tech-enabled platform designed to support adults from their 50s into their 100s – and their loved ones – in taking control of their aging journey. FourthQuarterLife® transforms aging into a positive, empowering journey providing peace-of-mind for all.

Therefore, we are reimagining a society-based care system through a redesigned set of solutions combining an over 50s community exchange with tailored professional advice.

Follow us and join our LinkedIn Group  to share your experiences and ask questions among peers. Help us to shape our community by responding & contributing. Stay tuned to be among the first to be invited once our platform goes live!

Once a month I share my perspective on the state of the healthcare world and beyond with thousands of global leaders. Subscribe to be part of this community and receive invitations & complimentary insights upfront!

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/identity-new-adventures-prof-dr-katharina-janus-xe6yf/

Take care, be safe, and enjoy what you can.

#perspectivebykatharinajanus #fourthquarterlife

Sincerely,

Prof. Dr. Katharina Janus
CEO & Co-Founder, FourthQuarterLife, Paris – London – Munich
Founder, ENJOY STRATEGY and Center for Healthcare Management, Paris
http://katharinajanus.com/